I'm a Survivor

I’m a survivor,
I’m not gonna give up,
I’m not gonna stop,
I’m gonna work harder,
I’m a survivor,
I’m gonna make it,
I will survive,
Keep on survivin’,
I’m a survivor,
I’m not gonna give up,
I’m not gonna stop,
I’m gonna work harder,
I’m a survivor,
I’m gonna make it,
I will survive,
Keep on survivin’

Music is one of my most favorite things in the whole wide world. I’m a music junkie. What’s even better, is I could always find a song to say exactly how I feel at any particular moment. I think music is a great way to express one’s emotions, to speak to people, and to help others get through certain situations. I love it.

Once again, I was workin’ it on the elliptical when my Ipod, which was set on shuffle, played the popular Destiny’s Child song, Survivor. When the chorus came on (lyrics above), it got me thinking about being overweight and just like with cancer, or any other disease, I am a survivor. I'm fighting this disease (and so are others out there, as well) with the very best defense I can fight it with- diet and exercise. There’s nothing better to beat this disease and keep it away than those two things. No magic pill, no magic surgery, just plain ol’ hard work. It’s certainly not an easy road.

Battles, no matter if they are weight related or not, are never easy. I know there are some people reading this who may be fighting some battle of their own. Here's something to think on. The other day the thought occurred to me: Over every hurdle there lies a smooth surface. There are going to be hurdles in our path that we have to get over, and once we are over them, even if only for a brief moment, there will be a smooth surface. And you know what? Eventually, the race will end, and we will be at the finish line. We will survive.

We are survivors. We’re not going to give up. We’re not going to stop. We’re just going to work harder. Because of that, we’re going to make it. Keep on surviving, my friends. Keep on surviving!

Making Progress

So today is weigh day, and once again I'm frustrated. I know I shouldn't be because I didn't gain. And not gaining is ALWAYS a good thing. However, the frustration still seems to find its way into my head. I would just love to see a number starting with a 2 or higher. Two isn't really that much to ask for, is it?? The experts all say 1-2lbs per week is healthy. I'd even say 3 a week would be healthy as well. But for me, for some reason, that's not the case. At any rate, I weighed myself first thing and the scale said ZERO. Nothing. Not even an ounce. Ugh. So I made some eggs for us for breakfast, ate breakfast, got dressed, did my makeup, hung out, put Nate down for a nap, and before lunch I decided to try again. This time, I was down 1 lb, so I'm going to take it. Now I am down 21.4 lbs. Slowly but surely.

I am posting a picture of my progress so far. The first picture is my "before" pic (brown shirt), however, it was taken after I had already started losing weight, and in it I was down 6lbs. The second pic (orange tank top) was taken today, down 21.4lbs but only about 15lbs from the first pic. Also, a little note, I went shopping yesterday for a pair of jeans a size smaller than I had been wearing. I actually was able to buy the exact same jeans in the smaller size, so, while it looks as if the jeans are the same, they are not. It might not look as if there is a no difference in how the jeans fit because since one is a smaller size, it looks as if it fits the same way.

Update

Since I had put in 6 days this week of exercise, I decided to take the day off yesterday to give my body a little break. I plan on doing some elliptical tonight, and perhaps some walking/jogging afterwards. We'll see. Not sure about the walking/jogging part yet.

As far as my weight loss for the week, I have decided to start weighing myself on Friday mornings. Ray suggested it because while it's not necessarily giving me free reign over what I eat on the weekends, I tend to usually have the bulk of my extra points remaining at the end of the week. So even though I am within the allowed points for the week, if I'm eating more one day than the others, it shows up on the scale, and since this happens on the weekend, it shows up on the scale on Mondays. Now, I'm not going to worry about what the scale says on Monday, and I will weigh in on Fridays to eliminate that factor. I will still stay on track and stay within my points, but I'll just be weighing a different day.

So I say all that to say that on Friday I was down 1.8lbs, which makes a total of 20.4lbs lost. I would love to be down another 5-10lbs by August 15th (Grace's first day of school), and another 6-12lbs on top of that by Grace's birthday. Those are my next two goals. If I could be down another 17lbs by Grace's birthday, I will be one HAPPY camper, and if I pulled that off, I would weigh right about where I weighed when Grace was born 5 years ago (well, about 2 weeks after, but you get the idea). Wow, that would be really cool. Seventeen pounds in 7 weeks. It's possible, but that would be an average of 2.4 lbs a week, and that's not my average, but even with my average weight loss per week, I will be close to that number. So, I will watch what I eat, watch my portions, and exercise. That's the best I could do and I'll have to let my body do the rest. I am going to try extra hard to be careful with figuring out my points for things. I do a lot of eyeballing and I really need to make sure things are as accurate as they can be. I could be going over my points without even knowing it.

Stressed??

Weight Loss Ticker

My sister-in-law, Wendi, suggested I put one of these things on my blog called a ticker for my weight loss. As you can see, I have put it up top under the "Support Our Troops" banner. They have these for pretty much anything, from counting down until your anniversary, to weight loss, to moving to a new state. I'm not quite sure why it's called a ticker exactly, but thats what it's called. I had one already, however, I just never posted it here. I guess maybe it's partly related to the fact that its hard to admit you need to lose weight, let alone when you have a large number to lose. I've gotten questions from people about how much I need to lose, and questions have come from people about why I would need to go on a show like The Biggest Loser when I "don't look like" I need to lose that much. Unfortunately, my friends, I do. In order to be at the very top of the healthy weight range, I need to lose about 85lbs total, or about another 65lbs from where I'm at. However, I would like to be at least another 10lbs less than that, at the very least, and that is where my ticker is set at, which would be a 95lb loss. My ideal goal weight would be to lose a total of 105lbs, and believe it or not, I would still be in the healthy weight range. Now I know some of you honestly don't think I had that much to lose, because I've already heard that from several sources. But I really, truly do. I guess it's a good thing that I hide it well, but that's pretty much what I've been doing for the last 5 years is hiding what I can. At any rate, it's time to face the music and really be honest and open with how far I still have to go. But if you look at the lower side of things, if I just get myself into the healthy range, I only have 3/4 left to go, which at the moment, doesn't seem too bad. However, any feelings I portray on my blog are subject to change at any time because hey, I'm a woman after all. =)

Changes

Well, I am nearing the end of week 3 of exercise and I have to say, I am loving it so far. This is such a different attitude then I've had in the past. The old me would get sore from working out, whether due to cardio or weights, and I would wait until all soreness was gone to resume my routine. The new me loves the feeling of soreness, because that's proof something is changing within my body. Some muscle some where was worked and torn and is rebuilding bigger and stronger than the day before. And yet, I go out and do more despite that soreness. It's wonderful. I've come to realize that once the initial warming up period of my workout is complete, my muscles are warm and I no longer feel that soreness. Why didn't I think of that sooner?? You see, in my senior year of high school, I tore my right quadricep muscle (the bad kind of tearing) and was under doctors orders to not do ANY physical activity for at least 3 weeks and then come back for a check up to see how much longer I needed to be able to resume activity. Well, I did neither of those things, and said the heck with it, its my senior year and my last chance to play. At any rate, once I got going on the field, I could run and kick and sprint like nothing. I felt nothing. But at half time, or at the end of the game (I was usually in the entire 80 minutes) I was toast. I could barely walk, seriously. I pretty much limped for hours after practices or games. I think after that doctor's appointment where I had learned I did indeed tear my muscle (which took me a while to even say I needed to go to the doctor in the first place) I was only able to play 2 or 3 games. We had Christmas break and the first game after that was my last. I played then entire game, but realized when I was done I just couldn't do that any longer. That and I think my coach ordered me to stop. I'm pretty stubborn like that, so that's probably the main reason I didn't finish out the season.

All that to say that I know muscles get warm. So, I should have realized that the pain, well soreness rather, would subside once the muscles got warm. Now, I know better than to repeat senior year soccer, so don't worry. But my point was just that you can work through the normal soreness the muscles go through as part of the break down/build up process. I didn't before, but now I do, and thats a great feeling.

So change #1 is not using soreness as an excuse. Change #2 is the fact that I am also not using the heat as an excuse. If I miss a workout I planned at a certain time, I find another time to do it, or I do another activity in it's place. I try to make it outside either first thing in the morning, or in the evening when the sun is setting to avoid direct sunlight and grueling heat. I'm not going to lie, I'm still hot and I still hate it. But the important thing is I'm doing what I need to do to get healthy, no matter what.

Change #3 is the fact that when I haven't worked out all day, I almost feel incomplete. Take yesterday for example. I planned on waking up early, and getting out to walk/run. I ended up sleeping in, and then my dad came over around 8 or 8:30 pm last night, right about the time I could have made up my missed morning cardio by working out on the elliptical in my condo's gym. By the time my dad left, it was too late to go use the gym (because THEY closed, not because it was too late for me, ha!). So what did I do? I started doing push-ups, crunches, jumping jacks, squats, and lunges. Wow. Who'd a thunk it? Me, not being a couch potato. Awesome. I'm feeling stronger and better everyday.

Change #4 is the fact that I CAN resist temptations if I want to. I can control what I put into my mouth. Take another example from Wednesday. I went and had my 15lbs lost reward pedicure, and afterwards I went to lunch with my sister-in-law, Elizabeth and her friend Rachel. We ate at Ruby Tuesdays and I had a delicious White Bean and Chicken Chili (which was really healthy by the way). They ordered spinach and artichoke dip which is TOTALLY yummy and I didn't get enough of this before I started weight watchers back in April. Anyway, with temptation staring me in the face, I resisted enough to only have about 3 chips. Literally. That's a feat, because I was starving at that moment, and you know how it is when you are starving and want to eat so bad, and there is food right in front of you. But I had 3 chips and not another bite.

Change #5 is that I can put half of my food away at a restaurant and only eat until I'm satisfied and NOT bursting at the seams full. I can stop myself from overeating just because it "tastes good." Like the saying says, "Eat to live, not live to eat," and it is so true. I'm learning everyday.

On another note, tonight I've tried to run to see how far I've come after my 3 weeks of exercise. Before I really couldn't even finish a half mile. Heck I think I only made it a quarter mile. Tonight I ran a mile, but I ran a half a mile first and then took a 5 minute walking break and finished the other half mile. The great thing was that I ran the first half mile in 4 mins 29 secs, however, I shaved 10 secs off my time with the second half mile with a time of 4 mins 19 secs. I was so proud that I was cut some time off the first one. I was proud that I was able to run a half mile non-stop, let alone 2 of them. That is change #6.

So, lest I ramble any longer, I will conclude that there are changes being made and I'm so excited.

Whewe da hewwo?

Translation: Where's the hello (phone)? Nate calls phones "hellos" which is cute, but what is even cuter is the typical little kid pronounciation of an "L" and "R" as a "W". So where is heard as whewe and hello becomes hewwo.

In other news, today I went for my 15lbs lost reward, which was a pedicure. I had a wonderful relaxing time at the spa with Elizabeth (my sis in law) and her friend Rachel. We all got pedicures and then went to Ruby Tuesday's to grab lunch. I had a delicious White Bean and Chicken Chili. Yummo (I've got to find a recipe for this) .

I have been slacking in the walk/run department because I just cannot seem to get to sleep early enough. I have still been exercising, though, just doing elliptical workouts in the evening in my gym at my condo. This is still fun. I wish I owned one of these wonderful machines so I could watch TV and work out in the comfort of my home. I must say, though, I feel like this might be a good week. =)

Down But Not Out

Well it's weigh in day and once again I've seen another disappointing number. I worked so hard this week. I did my walk/run thing on Monday morning, walk/run in the morning on Wednesday and elliptical in the evening, Thursday elliptical, Friday elliptical and Sunday elliptical. Each elliptical session was about 30 minutes long, which I am starting to like A LOT by the way. Anyway, I ate pretty good, although I found it harder to eat at times because for some reason when I workout, my appetite suppresses instead of increases like with most people. So basically, I had a slight gain of .2lbs, which I know is not much, but disappointing nonetheless. I think I'm just going to chalk that up to water weight, either that or I've built a little muscle, or maybe a little bit of both.

So that's my week. I must go do some laundry now. Good times.

Rambles

Well, I still don't have a whole lot to say. I did my run/walk Monday morning, and then slept in Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. I did go back out this morning and I am hoping to continue for the next several days. we'll see. Last night I also went for a 2 mile walk. I left at about 8:30pm and let me tell you, it was hot. When I checked the temperature a couple of hours later, it said it was 83 degrees and feels like 89. At 11 pm it feels like 89? Blah! No wonder it was hot at 8:30pm. I will say this though, it sure beats walking in the sun. That won't happen for another 3 months. Man, those three months sure can't come quick enough!

A funny thing I noticed today is that I really do have a true competitive side. I was out the door this morning at 6:15am and basically my whole routine takes about a half an hour to complete. So, I was 2/3 of the way done when a woman emerged from her house across the street from the park I am in every morning and proceeds to walk around the same trail as I'm on. This also happens just as I am about to start another one of my run segments and here she is right behind me. So when my run segment starts, what do I do? Ha, I simply make sure I am full on running and not jogging so as not to look like a wimp. I try to make it look smooth as if anyone can do this. Whew, when that minute was over I was pretty out of breath. However, I kept this up for my remaining 2 other run segments. Thank goodness she wasn't out there at the beginning.

I'm going to try to grab a walk in this evening as well. I think my plan will try to include a walk in the evenings in addition to my morning routine. Pretty soon I will be adding some crunches, push ups, lunges, and squats. One day I will be adding weights, but since weights always intimidate me, that may be far off. I just never know what I need to do or how many to do, or anything about weights for that matter. But I do know that muscle burns fat and I should add a little muscle to help the fat burning process. Don't worry, I'm not going to look like a female body builder-YUCK! But a little toning never hurt anyone.

Now I am sleepy. I had only 5.5 hours of sleep before that wicked alarm went off at 6am. I'm still really struggling with getting to bed by at least 11pm. There just aren't enough hours of the day. So, as it's nearing Nate's nap time, I think I'll catch some Z's myself.

Monday Results

I don't have a lot to say today because I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. Although I had a decent loss this week, I felt it should have been more due to the fact that I started exercising this week, as well as reduced my points this week as I have moved into another stage of WW's. Anyhow, I lost 1.8 lbs. That's only .4 more than my average weight loss per week when I was eating 700 more calories per week and not exercising. So, this is the reason I am not thrilled with this week's results. I was hoping I would see a 3 or so, but that wasn't the case. At any rate, I am now down a total of 18.8 lbs. Someday I will see a 20lb. loss........

I did three days of the walk/run program last week. This week, I don't know what my plans are for it. I'll probably do at least three days for sure. I did it today, and it still made me feel good, but that was counteracted by my scale this morning. At any rate, I'm still happy with the program. I'm just not sure how much my fitness level has changed yet, if at all.

Anyway, thanks for checking in. Hopefully I will have more to say tomorrow.

Day 3

Today was day 3 on my walk/run (or maybe I should say jog? but you get the point) program. It went really well. I woke up about 6am, but finally got out of bed about 6:20am, then I threw on some clothes, put on my sneakers, grabbed my ipod and hit the road. Well, the sidewalk. Anyway, today I decided that maybe my ankle felt so tight last time because I was wearing my ankle brace bandage thing (what are these even called? Its not an Ace bandage, but its that type of material). I had been wearing it because of the problems I've been having with my ankle, but decided it was worth a shot to see if my ankle would feel better today without it. Guess what? It did. It didn't feel tight or burn today, so I will continue to keep it this way for as long as it continues to feel ok. I'm still really liking the program, and I like how I'm feeling afterwards. I'm not sure if it's a combination of the exercise and having a shower afterwards, or if it's just the exercise itself, but either way, I start my day feeling pretty good.

I need to work on getting to bed at a reasonable time. I ended up going to be at around midnight, and then woke up at 6am. This is usually my routine. Problem is that when Nate is finally in bed, which has been around 8pm these days, and then when Grace is finally in bed, which is about 9pm these days, it finally gives me time to relax. I don't like to relax for one hour and then go to bed. I like to relax for several hours and do what I want to do and its hard to just limit that to an hour. I'm working on it though. I need to; I don't like only having 6 hours of sleep.

On another note, I am going to repeat Week One of the program next week. I only got in 3 days this week instead of 5 and so I want to work up some more before starting Week Two. I did some googling and found there are several types of programs like this out there. One site had two different routes you can take; one was a conservative 7 month program, and the other was an aggressive 4 month program. The one I am one is a 9 week program. Hmmmm. Maybe I'm a little ambitious? I thought this program sounded reasonable before I had even read the others. I may be rethinking which program I am on, but we'll see when I get into some of the other weeks. We'll see. For now, this works, and I'm happy and excited to get out there.

Without Further Ado......

Pictures. Recital pictures and some miscellaneous pictures as well. Sorry it took so long, but here they are!!

MISCELLANEOUS PICS:

This pic of Nate was taken back in January. He had a lot less hair then.


Cute Nate


As you can see, Nate is NOT a morning person


This is the infamous "Nathan Grin". It's a crooked smile, as they say....


Grace and Ray posing with the pool they created with blocks.


This is what would happen if we let Grace pick out her clothes =)


All smiles


He probably shouldn't drive in this condition.

RECITAL PICS:


Grace and her friend Jordyn before the show


Before the show, goofing around in the hallway


Goofing around with Jordyn






Lined up with her class


Grace, Jordyn, and Emily


The class on their way backstage


I am a bunny....


Grace and Miss Dana (the owner of her ballet school)

Grace and Ray after the show


After the show with her flowers from Nonna

A Burning Question....

So I have a burning question for you all. No, really, it's a question about burning. Why is it that when I run my legs will burn a little, BUT when I do the walking portion of my workout, my right foot burns crazy bad?? Is this a bad thing? I've been having problems before with exercising and my right foot/ankle/heel. I hope it stops. I'm liking this program.

Anyway, today was day 2. I ended up skipping yesterday because I was WAY too tired to get up at 6am like I had wanted to. And once it was later, I did not want to be in public running when there were tons of people all over the place. I'm trying to work on that, but for right now, it still bothers me. I don't know why, and its silly, but I just feel self conscious even though I have no idea if anyone is even paying attention to me. I hope to be soon in the "I don't care less" attitude of exercising in public. But for now its my struggle.

So day 2 was pretty much like day 1. It wasn't bad. By the end, I am tired and a little more out of breath than I was in the beginning, but I feel good (except for my right foot). Yesterday, even though I hadn't gone out and did my run/walk, I found myself disappointed that I couldn't get past my insecurities to do it. I had really wanted to go. Now, I'm not going to say this is how I will feel forever, but it's how I feel for now. I like it so far, and I'm excited to work my way into being a runner.

I will say that I woke up yesterday and I had sore muscles from my lower back and abdomen down into my legs. It was great to be sore, and I haven't felt that way in a long time. It's funny how I'm using the same muscles I use when I walk, yet my muscles have been used to a different level to create the soreness (I guess......sounds good, right?). I'm still sore today, too, but I did my routine anyhow, which in the past I would have waited until all soreness was gone before working out again. Changes are definitely good.

Not Bad

So today was my first day on my Couch-to-5k program, and I have to say it wasn't all that bad. Now, we'll have to see once the workouts get harder, but today really wasn't bad. For the first week, you start out with a 5 minute walk as a warm-up. Then you run/jog for 60 seconds, and then walk for 90 seconds. You alternate this for 20 minutes, then you do a 5 minute walk for a cool down and you're done. It sounded easy enough on paper, but once I got out there, I realized it really wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be despite how easy it sounded. When I've tried running in the past, I'd get maybe a quarter mile (or 2-3 minutes) and be so winded I just felt like I couldn't go any further. Now I've done 8 minutes of running, and at least 3/4 mile, not to mention the walking added some mileage to that. I think the walking in between really helped with not being too winded. Plus, I've heard TONS of good things about interval training, so I think this program is a plus for me. The program says to do this 3 days a week, but I think I can handle 5, so thats what I'm shooting for. Next week the program changes to 90 seconds running/jogging alternated with 2 minutes of walking. I'll keep you posted as to how the rest of the week went.

Slow And Steady Wins The Race??

Well it's Monday, and despite the connotation of my blog title, I am happy today. I am down another 1.4 lbs, for a total of 17 lbs lost and almost 8%. I titled the blog like I did because it seems that my weight loss average per week is around 1.4 lbs. This is a very good, healthy, and safe weight loss. I do know that if I exercised more (or at all) that would boost some of my weigh loss numbers per week some, and exercise is a very important part of a healthy lifestyle.

I am finding it easier to make choices. I haven't hardly had any cravings lately for sweets, which is strange. Or for chocolate. Starbucks, however, is in a different story. I struggle daily with wanting something from there. It doesn't help that they've created a new flavor (raspberry mocha), that has become my favorite, to tempt me with. If I could afford it, I would seriously be there everyday. I just don't know what it is about that place. Ok, so the point of that was to say that I'm not going crazy over the fact that I'm not having a coke (a real coke, not coke as in the word southerners use in place of the word soda, but a real bona fide coca-cola), I'm not going crazy if I'm not having a cookie, or a piece of cake, or even a piece of chocolate. Sometimes I go days without even the thought of them crossing my mind, and I find that the food portions and decisions are becoming a lot easier, which makes this whole thing a lot easier. Now I just need to get into two really good habits that are part of any healthy lifestyle change: drinking lots of water, and exercising.

I plan to start a program called Couch to 5K (you can google that and you'll see the program). It seems really simple and calls for 3 days a week for 9 weeks and in the end, you'll be running 3 miles. Now, it does say that if you're not ready for the next week's plan, to stay on your current week until you are ready, so it is possible it will take more than 9 weeks, which is fine by me. I am hoping to try to get this in at least the 3 days a week, but I am aiming for 5. I know, I know, thats a little ambitious for a couch potato, but hey, I have goals! Some of the people in my weight loss group started out heavier than me. They've lost close to 20% already, and are still at a weight heavier than I started. But they are out there running 3-5 miles already. It just blows my mind, but I am determined to get there, too. I've always hated running which is an oxymoron for someone who loved to play soccer so much. Its weird though, because during a soccer game, there's so much adrenaline going, and you're playing the game, you just don't feel the "running" part. But now, I have this fascination with being able to run, and loving it. I don't know if I will "love" it, but I hope to.

So that's the update. Also, as you can see, I've added a player on the blog thanks to seeing it on Wendi's blog who apparently saw it on someone else's blog as well. We're starting a trend here. Get a player on your blog, or you're not cool. Ok, just kidding. You're still cool, but you'd be cooler with a player. No really, I added one....just hit play and it will go. For some reason, theres no way to scroll down to see the other songs on the list unless you click the bottom song, and then it will scroll down to the next section.

In other news, Nate's been really trying to talk a lot. He's formulating minor sentences such as "All done" and "Where da uh oh" (which means, where's the uh oh, which means where's the pacifier). When Grace was his age, she started calling her pacifiers Uh Oh's because I guess she thought that was their name. She would drop it a lot, and we'd always say Uh Oh and pick it up. So that's what she named them. With Nate, its been hard NOT to call it that, so its kind of become the name we've given them. Anyway, he's trying to say new things all the time, even if they aren't coming out quite right.

Grace has all of her uniforms for school. Some are back-ordered, but the order is in and they will show up eventually. Now I need to start getting school supplies together. I would like to wait until the sales tax holiday for back-to-school items, which is August 4-13. Then we'll be all set. It was good that I bought the uniforms last week, because for one, they had an 8% off sale, which saved just a tad more than the back-to-school tax holiday would have saved (6% only), and two, during the tax holiday week, it is an absolute mad house in that place. Lines go almost out the door, and its hard to find what you need, and if somethings on back order, you won't get it in time for school.

Well thats my update. I'll try to blog as close to daily as possible this week, especially since I will start my exercising and then I can keep you up to date on how that's going.