Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Struggling

Today, I've been struggling. I'm not sure what exactly has come over me. Possibly the impending 8th birthday of my firstborn. Possibly the reality that my baby is in school full time. Possibly getting ready to see births and babies and the beginnings of life. Maybe a little bit of hormones mixed in, too.

In Target today, I saw moms with their toddlers and I just yearned to be one of them. It made me incredibly sad. So sad, in fact, I had to keep myself from busting out in tears in the middle of the store. I got in my car and drove home, holding it all in until I arrived. I am no longer that mom shopping in the early mornings with her curious little toddler, so full of life. Those years for me are gone. A memory. I can't help but to cry as I even type those words.

It makes my heart hurt that the years are flying fast. Too fast.

How did I get here so soon? It seemed like just yesterday I held Grace for the first time. It seemed like just yesterday Nate was the best Christmas present ever.

I'm sure it's just the hormones making feel all crazy sad today. But I can't help but wish there was a pause button in life sometimes.

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